Let's get personal: Part 2
I was so warmed by all of your sweet comments following yesterdays post and a little overwhelmed by the sheer traffic on my blog yesterday. Many of y'all must like this over sharing :)
And I have to express regret now because I had to break modern-day post into two as nicely so there's greater wherein this is coming from tomorrow.
MOVING
I started my blog when I lived in Pawleys Island, SC. I thought we'd stay in that house forever and the blog name, Pawleys Island Posh made sense. To my newer readers who can't figure out why I live in Richmond or my older readers who never got more than a we moved announcement, here's a little bit on that. Heck, even my friends in Pawleys might have been surprised by our sudden choice. Yes, I had an infant, and, unbeknownst to me, was pregnant again when we made the move in 2011 from Pawleys Island, SC to Richmond, VA. Here's a little back ground on what fueled that seemingly random move.
The company I worked for in Myrtle Beach was under the umbrella of a hedge-fund in NYC that started going under in 2009. As we started watching the ship sink, I knew didn't want to stay in real estate and I didn't see any real career opportunities for myself in Pawleys. I also got pregnant for the first time just as all this was happening. Although I lost that baby I knew I wanted to try again right away. I realized having a baby and staying home to raise them was really important to me. More than anything.
Matthew's company was downsizing due to the economy so his ability to move up was looking slim. He'd also worked for his Dad's development company off and on for years and had come to realize that he didn't like mixing family and business. Work should stay at work.
Another reason we talked about leaving was that Matthew wanted to get his MBA which was impossible for us to do in Pawleys Island. We started realizing that there were better opportunities for our family in many ways if we left. Richmond seemed like the logical location because we'd have my parents here for support. But before that goal could be accomplished, I found out I was pregnant again and going back to school full-time was off the table for him. I'll save my thoughts on that for another day.
Also, despite a loving and supportive community in Pawleys, I realized that I wasn't sad at the prospect of leaving. I think it was just too small for me. I need space. I need privacy. I need a little hustle and bustle. I like walking outside and seeing a world awake and moving all around me. It helps me keep perspective. As for our home, we didn't get a single offer on our house in Pawleys during the first 6 months or so that is was on the market so we decided to pull the listing and wait and see. Wait and see if Richmond was the right move for us and wait and see if we would end up back in Pawleys and in need of a roof over our heads. Wait and see if my parents would use it enough to justify them buying it from us. I'm pretty sure we're settled in Richmond for the long haul, but, as I've assured my husband many times, I'd move anywhere with him. Some parts of the move have been easier than others. I really feel like I'm in the right place for all the right reasons. I'm grateful to have a supportive and fulfilling husband. He's my everything. The most important factor in my life is being with Matthew and that is anywhere. I'd move to the Nordic to be with him. I don't believe there is one perfect place. Our children will thrive in any house they grow up in because it will be a happy and well loved home.
Although, Charleston is the only area I assume we will usually keep on our radar :)
I omit my friends there and Matthew misses the monstrous availability of outdoor interests.
Adjusting
I'll be perfectly honest. Meeting people has been hard. That's not Richmond, that's anywhere. Making friends as an adult is really hard. I got to take the easy way out in Pawleys because several friends from college already lived there and the wives of my husbands friends were inclusive from the start. Everyone lived down the street and were in the same place in life. That's not the case here. It's actually one of the things I like about Richmond, the diversity in the people you meet. But it doesn't necessarily make falling into friendship easy. Being a SAHM mom makes it even harder. It's hard when your life is centered around your kids ever-changing schedules and making plans guarantees someone will be off that day. It's hard when leaving the house means changing diapers and clothes and packing a suitcase full of " just in case", all the while timing it when someone's not hungry or sleepy or having a meltdown.
It's hard to get over the on the surface banter with moms you meet at the park when you realize that although you have more to offer the world, all you can think of talking about is squeezable applesauce and zulily. It's hard to not feel inadequate and to want to choose your sweatpants and bed over two hours at happy hour with women who actually have something interesting to say. Please don't think I'm accusing mother's of not being interesting. I promise I'm not. I meet with a great group of women once a week or so to watch our children play together. They're interesting and accomplished women. They're smart and they're funny, but it's hard to get a good conversation going when you're constantly interrupted by a dirty diaper or a hungry baby or a certain somebody that wants you to watch her go down the slide...again. And those same women are ready for their stretchy yoga pants and Bravo at the end of their children's day or a night out alone with their husbands when they get the rare chance, just like I am.
And I found out that I'm not the kind of mom that joins things. I'm not knocking all of the wonderful moms groups out there. They offer invaluable resources to mothers that face a day surrounded by people who can't talk back. But it's like the quote "I wouldn't join any club that would have me". It's just felt too forced to me so far.
And please don't think that I don't have hobbies or goals that extend beyond my children. Because it's evident if you read my blog that I do. I'm not some desperate housewife stuck in suburbia with a dirty diaper smeared on my shoulder. I love writing and the creative outlet I find in blogging. I love interior design and styling outfit boards. I love painting and photography. I think I have ugly duck syndrome; I like making ugly ducks into swans. That's the basis of all my creativity I think. But I just don't have the ambition or the cut-throat drive to need to be anything more than an interesting and good wife and mother. That's what makes me happy.
I'm happy to be where I am. I'm sure some would find me boring although none could say they don't feel happiness and laughter in my presence. I'm sure of that. My current goals don't extend much further than my own children's childhood. I want them to feel loved and cherished and remember a mommy who played on the floor with them and said yes almost all of the time. There a million ways to never say no to your children without every losing the power. I've mastered that craft. So there will be time for new friendships and uber-fabulous things to do and talk about later in life. This isn't the season for that.
Retirement
As for retirement, we've discussed returning to Charleston. Our hearts are happy there. The people are good there. The water is heaven.
In reality I just hope Matthew and I have the physical and financial health to be comfortable when we retire. Although to be honest it's hard to even fathom that day might come! We like to play the winning the lottery game rather than having the actual retirement conversation. It's way more fun. Either way I want to spend some time in Paris and Italy. Matthew wants to safari in Africa. I'll be thankful for the chance to make that choice one day.
*I'm also horrified to learn that the last family picture we have was taken back in May on Mother's Day. I just searched my entire archive to find something suitable for this post and came up really lacking. I'm embarrassed by the lack of pictures of my kids together and ones of them with Matthew and I individually. Dang, I need to force this issue asap. Oh well, you know what they say about the cobbler's kids.